i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
