yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
