People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
