Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
