we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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