Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
