I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
