my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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