I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
