I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
