The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
