they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize