she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
