Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
