dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
