You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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