you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
