Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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