So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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