not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
