somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
