YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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