he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
