I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
