this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
