the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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