I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
