I just cut my nipple shaving
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
