Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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