You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
