those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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