Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
