and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
