Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
