if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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