i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it penis luge time yet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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