Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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