Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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