on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hippo gnu deer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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