my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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