can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
