Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
