watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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