he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
