Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
