A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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