Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
