I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
