Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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