I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
