now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
