roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
