His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize