I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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