Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
now i know why i became what i already was.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
