i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
