I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
