I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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