you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
