then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
