Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
