just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
