I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
