Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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