Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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