I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
