i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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