Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
