i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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