I could make wine with my vomit
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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