Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
