I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
